First Witness?

I know I've left you and myself high and dry for a week. During my sabbatical, I've thought often about what to write for this entry. Should I tell the story of How Salmmy Got His Name? Should I comment on Salmmy's re-election? Should I just post pictures of mustangs and mooses? Then I got serious and figured I should get back to the trial. But that also offers up questions. Do I go go with witnesses? Do I just stick with the evidence? Do I read the articles and figure out what was really happening during those long breaks we jurors got to take?

Well, lets see what I remember...

So, after listening to the opening statements, we finally get our first witness! If I remember correctly, it is John Hess. He was the engineer who drew up the plans for the addition.

I really wish the lawyers had followed a more logical approach to their witnesses. Give us the big picture with Persons, then back up his testimony with the workers who did the work, and such, then bring in The Allen to tell us who was paid and by whom, with all the evidence to support such claims. Instead it was all all kind of muddled. Skipping from house to generator to house to gifts. It did seem like we were building up to the big picture, but some of the beginning witnesses didn't really prove their need until Persons or The Allen testified, which made it very important to be able to take notes. As it was the case seemed more like a story layout than an argument layout. Which is ok, I guess. Thank God we were allowed to take notes is all I'm saying.

So, anyways. John Hess. So the excitement around John Hess is that he apparently met with Salmmy and The Allen in a private dining room at the Double Muskee Inn (which Persons owned), to discuss what Salmmy wanted done to his little A-Frame. The way Rosie mentioned it in the opening statement, it sounded like something out of the Godfather. I pictured dim lights, pasta, napkins tucked into their collars, security at the doorway, Salmmy and The Allen waiting in the far corner to the right of the fireplace. John Hess a little nervous and tugging at his collar as he walks in. Sad accordion music... (I was sad to find out later that the Double Muskie Inn served Creole, talk about a mood breaker). It seemed weird to me that they didn't meet at the house, but then people do have to eat, and I think it came out later that Salmmy doesn't like to cook. (just like he doesn't like pay'n his bills!--OOO SNAP!!!).

This is how the meeting went:
Salmmy: Mmmm. I'm thinking we need more space for my Grand kids and parties, and for me to tinker. I want to raise my house!
The Allen: Raise the roof!!!
Salmmy: No, the house. Every one's doing it! We just put in a new ground floor. Get me an architect Billy Boy!
The Allen: (I'm not a freak'n home builder Salmmy!) Well, I know this guy Hessie. He's an engineer, he's never designed a house, but he designs things for my company and he works for my company (which will remain unnamed in case anyone is listening...), so he will be a puurrfect fit! I will get Hessie.
Hessie: Hello, hello, hello!
Salmmy: (who else is he saying Hello too?)
The Allen: (sshhh! He's an engineer, they're all a little screwy).
Hessie: Did you guys say something? No? Ok then. Why are we meeting in the back room of this restuarant?
The Allen: (looking sideways at Salmmy) Salmmy can't cook. You have traveled far. Eat while we tell you what to do. You work for me, you must obey.
Salmmy: I want to raise my house and put in bunk-beds!
Hessie: (to The Allen) Did he eat too much Salmon?
The Allen: (you'd think so with the name, wouldn't you? But no.).
Salmmy: I have a lot of grand kids. They can sleep in bunk-beds. I want to tinker.
Hessie: Ok. Here's the design, thanks for din-din. Tootles! (leaves.)
Salmmy: Boy. Engineers sure talk weird.
The Allen: So do jurors.
Salmmy: What?
The Allen: Um, did I say something? Anyways, do you think CAS* will like this addition?
Salmmy: Crappers. She probably wants actual rooms. And a bathroom. Women are soo damned practical. She will be in charge of everything by the way.
The Allen: Does she know that?
Salmmy: She will when she has to pay the bills. (both laugh)
Persons: So, how did the secret meeting go?
The Allen: Dude! You sooo totally just ruined EVERYTHING!
Salmmy: Its ok Billy Boy, we're still BFF's!!! Anyways, Walker's going to be checking on the house while I'm not here. Since I'm here, like, 2 days a year.
Persons: Stop calling me Walkers!! But I forgive you. I'll email you and CAS everyday!
Salmmy: (Crappers! Well, at least he won't call me so I don't actually have to TALK to him) Oh, hey Walkers -er- I mean Persons. Email me. No need to email CAS.
Persons: OK! We're the bestest buds, right?
Salmmy: (very quietly) yes. (psst. Change the subject Allen!)
(Hessie returns)
The Allen: Ooo. The GUMBO was really tasty today!
Hessie: I redesigned the plans, here you go.
Salmmy: Thanks! Send me a bill!
(crickets.)

The End.

well, thats not exactly how it happened, but you try it without notes!

*CAS is how Cathy Stevens was referred to in the emails sent to Salmmy from Persons. I never came up with a nickname for Persons, though it was rumored that his nickname was Walkin' Bob because he walked a lot. I called Bill Allen The Allen in reference to The Great Satan, because in the opening statements the defense implied that he was pretty EVIL. I affectionately referred to Cathy Stevens as The Hulk, but only after her testimony (before her testimony I referred to her as Salmmie), because she hated everything that was done to the house and all the gifts that were received (except maybe the stained glass window?) and probably wanted to smash them all. Hulk hate metal deck! Hulk smash metal deck!!! Hulk hate cigarette burned leather couch! Hulk throw out window!!! I really apologize to CAS for referring to her as the Hulk. But she can refer to me as the stoopid idiot juror if she wants. :)